Xang,

I am at God's mercy every minute. It's kind of scary, but soothing if I can figure out how to have more faith. If everything I owned was lost in the moment from the next, what would I do? I would pray! And by pray, I don't mean ask or beg- I would praise him anyway. I love that part of the bible that says the Lord is thy shepherd, and thou shall not want. I know the ocean will always be filled with fish, and I can never go hungry, or that my heart will always be open enough to receive love as it enters. There are things that have infinite supply, unlike the gas we pay almost $4 for or the gigs that I count like blessings; not like the months I get to spend with her or the minutes we have left on an international phone card call. No, there are no limits to God's gifts, and his giving. This is reassuring. There will be enough. I don't want to keep worrying, Xang. I feel like everything I look at turns into a monetary figure, and then my eyes look to my wallet to see if there will be enough to pay for it instead of to the light for thanks. I am thankful, for each blessing as it comes. I am a fisherman at the mercy of the ocean, surrounded by water. There will always be enough of what I'm afraid will run out or not be there. I don't want to be stingy, or hold back. I want to give away all my possessions as readily as light, and as obediently as Abraham almost gave up his only son Issac if God should ask that of me. I don't want to loose her. Every second of now is a blessing. I'm in God's hands.

I have an idea what you're all thinking, if you're familiar with the House of Flying Cards: is the troupe founder going homeless? Think of it as a chance for me to stand on my own two feet, outside of the House, and breathe some fresh air. I'm not going anywhere, loyal spectators and mages of the House. I live and breathe that! That's actually where I grew up magically, and where all my closest friends are. And the bread I've made being there! Without the House, I wouldn't have been able to travel 10,000 miles to see the girl I love, have the money to pay for gas and car repairs, and gain all the performance experience I have gained up to this point. I wouldn't have met my mentor-brothers Mark, Sam, Datta, Sean, Nunky, and other mages with unique perspectives and energies that make life interestingly open for more discoveries. I am still and always will be representing the House of Flying Cards wherever I throw down a set. And this site? It's not a storefront, or an attempt to get bookings on my own. It's just, as of now, a dojo where the kind of magic I create can exist on it's own. And be appreciated and seen. I don't have any intention of abandoning my magicianal comrades whom I've been working with for so many years. The House of Flying Cards continues. Check out http://www.hofc.webs.comweeblylink_new_window for more info, and peep some of the dopest mages on the planet. I'm nowhere without those guys. Book them- us- before you book me by myself. We're a thousand magical tricks coming at you from all angles. You have no idea!

-antidote